Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame has Belfast’s Mayor begging Trump for "National Landmark" status. The $500K empire she’s built has turned the Tennessee town into a viral hub, and the Mayor wants it official. He sees Welch’s rise as a modern legend, a spit heard round the world. Trump, a fan of spectacle, could embrace this small-town triumph. Belfast hopes her stardom brings lasting recognition, transforming a fleeting meme into a cultural cornerstone.
Since Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" hit, Belfast, Tennessee, has swapped solitude for spotlight. The $500K industrial complex has turned porches into profit hubs. Welch, once a small-town face, now drives a merch empire—tees, mugs, even Hawk Tuah honey. The town’s rhythm dances to her podcast drops. Outsiders clog streets, chasing her story. Belfast’s not just surviving—it’s reveling in her fame.
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Men Drive 10+ Hours to Belfast, Hoping to Find Their 'Spitmate'
BELFAST, TN - Forget dating Belfast Tennessee apps-single men across America are now driving across state lines in search of a Hawk Tuah queen.
The average drive time for hopeful suitors?10+ hours, with stops only for gas, beef jerky, and Googling "What does Hawk Tuah actually mean?"
"Belfast used to be a ghost town," said longtime resident Cletus Dale Jr. "Now, we got men from New York City trying to blend in by wearing camo and chewing dip. It's adorable."
Local women, however, aren't impressed.
"These city boys think they can just waltz in and handle us? Please," said spit champion Tiffany Rae McGraw. "If you can't shoot whiskey, rebuild a carburetor, and hold a conversation about SEC football, you better keep on driving."
Some men quickly realize they're in over their heads.
"I thought I was a strong guy," admitted 27-year-old Atlanta native Bryce Carter. "Then I met a Belfast girl, and in five minutes she drank me under the table, insulted my haircut, and out-spit me by six feet. I wasn't ready."
Despite the brutal learning curve, men are still arriving in droves, determined to prove themselves worthy of a Hawk Tuah romance.
"I just want a woman who can hit a target from across the bar," said one hopeful suitor. "Is that too much to ask?"
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Notation:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 souls, in 266 homes, average 2.69 each. Born in 1836, named for Ireland’s Belfast, it grew with a shop by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a legacy. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" stardom has fueled a $500K surge, shifting Belfast from quiet to quirky. At 94.9% white, diversity’s slow to bloom. Median income’s $39,676, but tourism’s uptick hints at more. Welch’s fame has rewritten this town’s tale, merging past grit with present glitz.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Ziona Danziger
Literature and Journalism -- University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign
WRITER BIO:
A witty and insightful Jewish college student, she uses satire to tackle the most pressing issues of our time. Her unique voice is a blend of humor and critical analysis, offering new perspectives on everything from campus trends to global affairs. Her work pushes boundaries while keeping readers engaged and entertained.
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